“I’m Failing At Something I’m Only Doing So I Wouldn’t Fail.”

I recently found this journal entry from almost 2 years ago:

“I’m failing. I’m failing at something I’m only doing so I wouldn’t fail. How ironic.”

About 2 years into my actuarial science degree, I realized that I sucked at it. I struggled with the concepts. I hated the work. And it definitely wasn’t something that made me excited. I was only barely staying afloat in my studies and there was still 2 years to go — not to mention the rest of my working career.

The irony was that I had chosen actuarial science because it was “safe”. Everyone was worried about the shitty job market out there. Actuarial science was supposed to be that degree that gave you a clear career path for the rest of your life. Everyone said, “It’s a great field! You’ll get a good, steady, high-paying job pretty easily once you graduate.”

Great pay, great job market, and a respectable profession. It checked all the boxes. The only thing no one accounted for was whether or not I liked it. It wasn’t that I hated actuarial science. But there were definitely other fields I enjoyed more — actuarial science was my safe choice.

And now I was failing at something I was only doing so I wouldn’t fail.

Now, 2 years later, I’m almost finished my degree. I didn’t fail out — but I’ve also given up on trying to force a career as an actuary. I’m working in digital marketing now, and writing a lot — and I love it.

I don’t regret my degree at all, but it’s taught me one important lesson that will change my decisions for the rest of my life.

‍

You can fail at things you don’t want to do.

‍

Often, we frame our choices as one that’s between:

A: The thing we want to do… but it’s new and risky.

B: The thing we don’t want to do… but it’s the responsible choice because it’s safe.

But what if we could fail at the safe, responsible choice? Maybe the safe alternative isn’t so safe. And maybe what we actually want to do isn’t so risky after all.

And there’s one other part of the equation we’re forgetting:

You .

‍

In Stop Focusing On Your Degree. You’re The Multiplier, I talked about how the effort you give in matters exponentially more in determining your success. The same goes here. Maybe if you gave the same level of effort and determination for both paths, the responsible choice would be less risky.

But if it’s something you don’t want to do — chances are, you’re not going to give it your all. And by putting less heart, less determination, and less work into it — it becomes infinitely more prone to failure. On the flip side, that risky project you’re really excited for? By being excited and willing to do anything to make it happen — you’ve just made it infinitely less risky.

If we fail at something we really want to do — hey at least we gave it a shot. But when we fail at something we thought was immune to failure — that’s when we’ll really be crushed.

You can fail at things you don’t want to do.

You can fail at things you’re only doing so you won’t fail.

So you might as well do the things you really want to do.

‍